Find A Bush

Location: In The Car

Aylen: "I really need to pee."
Felicia: "Hold on! I will find somewhere for you to go."
Aylen: "Just pull over and I can find a bush or something."

Boots Is To Monkey As Shoes Is To Dora

Location: Home

*Felicia and Senia are watching "Dora The Explorer"*

*Senia points to Dora*

Senia [to Felicia]: "Dora."

Felicia: "Yes, her name is Dora."

*Felicia points to Boots*

Felicia: "His name is Boots."

*Senia is confused*

Senia: "No, monkey."

Felicia: "No, his NAME is Boots."

*Senia points to Dora*

Senia: "Shoes?"

Throw Up A Fourth Time

Location: Home

*what follows takes place a while after Senia, being ill, has vomited multiple times*

*Felicia is laying down with Senia in bed*

*Fernando is reading some books to Aylen in the living room*

Fernando [to Aylen]: "Your sister is not feeling well. Let's try to not be too loud so she can go to sleep."

Aylen: "Senia threw up THREE times! A little in the kitchen. A lot in the living room. And a little by the table. Maybe she will throw up a fourth time on Mommy's boobies."

Mommy Is Small

Location: The Gap

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Aylen, let's go. They don't have my size. They only have smalls."

Aylen: "Oh, Mom! But you are a small. You are so very tiny."

Snow In My Eye

Location: North Blvd.

*Aylen, Senia, and Felicia walk towards PoeCo to drop off Aylen, it is snowing*

Aylen: "Ohhhhhhh, my! It is snowing! This is amazing! I can't believe it! ARGH! Snow landed in my eye. This is awful! When is it going to be over?"

Watching The Snow

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Don't you want to stay at home with Mommy and watch the snow? We can drink hot chocolate, cuddle, and watch the snow out the window."

Aylen: "No, Mom. I rather go to school and watch the snow with my friends."

Scratch My Butt

Location: Home

Aylen [to Fernando]: "Scratch my butt."

Fernando: "Huh?"

Aylen: "Can you scratch my butt?"

*Fernando proceeds to scratch Aylen's butt*

Aylen: "In the middle."

Fernando: "Nuh-uh. No. Poop comes out of there."

Aylen: "Mommy scratches my butt in the middle."

Fernando: "Yeah, I am not Mommy."

Ruler To Rule

Location: Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Mom, I need a ruler to rule!"

House Keys

Location: Home

Senia [to Felicia]: "I phant hous kez!"

Felicia: "What does she want, Aylen?"

Aylen: "She wants the house keys."

Aylen [to Senia]: "Nooo. What you want is the car keys."

Why?

Location: Half Price Books

Senia [to Felicia]: "Where's Aylen? Where's Daddy?"

Felicia: "In the potty."

Senia: "Why?"

Felicia: "Because Aylen needed to go."

Senia: "Why?"

Felicia: "Ummm... she had drank a lot of water."

Senia: "Why?"

Felicia: "Ummm... because she was thirsty."

Senia: "Why?"

Felicia: "Because she boogoo badadaded."

Senia: "Why?"

Felicia: "Yeah... that's what I thought."

Turkey Tastes Like Chicken

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Turkey tastes like chicken?  Are you sure it is not chicken?  I think it is chicken."

Fluffy Poop

Location: Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "The second poop is the fluffy poop."

News Of The Day: Played In The Sandbox

Location: PoeCo

Aylen: "My mommy and Claire played together in the sandbox."

Heart's Desire

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Nooooo, Mom! I want to keep my hair down! It is my heart's desire! Um... what's 'desire'?"

I Want Cookie, Part 2

Location: Home

Senia [to Felicia]: "I want cookie."

Felicia: "No! No cookie."
*Senia looks down and urinates all over her pants and on the floor*
Felicia: "Ohhhhhhh. You need to pee?"

*Senia shakes head*
*Felicia feels bad, then she remembers the events from the weekend and then felt REALLY bad (see: I Want Cookie, Part 1)*

News Of The Day: Mommy In My Bed

Location: PoeCo

Aylen: "I wanted my mom to come to my bed. My mom said "okay" and then she came to my bed."

News Of The Day: Rode On An Elephant

Location: PoeCo

Aylen: "I rode on an elephant. My dad came with me. My sister's name is Senia. My sister did not want to go on the elephant."

I Want Cookie, Part 1

Location: Texas Renaissance Festival

Senia [to Fernando and Felicia]: "I want cookie."

Both: "No! No cookie. It is late. You already had a lot of crap to eat for today."
Senia: "No. I. Want. Cookie."

*And Senia proceeds to repeat it over and over again for 40+ miles until she falls asleep*

News Of The Day: TV Fell On Me

Location: PoeCo

Aylen: "I was trying to open the top drawer and then the TV fell on me."

Purple Sparkly Ponies

Location: Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "MOM! I had a dream about purple sparkly ponies."

Felicia: "That sounds like a nice dream to have!"
Aylen: "No, Mom. That's a great dream to have!"

Good With Numbers

Location: Home

Aylen: "I'm really good with numbers... I rhyme them all the time."

Never Going To Try

Location: Home

Aylen: "I am never going to try."
Felicia: "Awesome! You'll live with me forever."
Aylen: "Uhm... I think I will try.

Aylen's Yoga Studio

Location: Home

Aylen: "Can you get the yoga mats and the yoga video and turn my room into a yoga studio? I need to stay healthy too!"

Bwaggle Bwaggle

Location: At Home

Felicia: "Aylen. When I talk to you, what are the words that you hear out coming out of my mouth?"

Aylen: "Bwaggle bwaggle!"

*Aylen falls down from the chair she is sitting onto the floor*

Aylen: "MOMMY!"

Felicia: "BWAGGLE BWAGGLE!"

Two Cones

Location: At Ms. Karen's House

Karen: "Wow, girls. I am so proud of you. You ate your all your cones [of ice cream] and you didn't spill any on your clothes. Good job."

Aylen [sounding like Karen's conscience]: "Yeah. And YOU ate two cones."

That Song

Location: In The Car

Aylen: "Dad. Can we listen to that song? You know. The one that goes: 'Pfttt ppaappt pfttapt ptarapt'?"

Fernando [confused]: "Uh... what?"

Aylen: "The one that goes: 'Pfttt ppaappt pfttapt ptarapt'."

Fernando [making something up]: "The one that goes: 'Pooot poootoooo poootooo potttot'?"

Aylen: "No. The one that goes: 'Pfttt ppaappt pfttapt ptarapt'?"

Fernando [sarcastically]: "Oh. T-H-A-T song. The one by T-H-A-T one artist. About that T-H-I-N-G."

Aylen: "YEAH!"

Fernando: "Yeah... I don't have it."

Aylen: "Can you check your phone?"

Fernando: "I am driving. I am not about to start taking music requests."

Rain

Location: Home

*Felicia is taking a shower with Senia*

Senia: "It's rain in here?"

Kids Together With Daddy

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Do you wish Daddy was a kid too?"

Aylen: "Daddy IS kind of like a kid already."

Kids Together With Mommy

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "I wish we could have been kids together."

Little Big Helper

Location: At Home

*Felicia and Aylen are playing Little Big Planet*

*Aylen, while playing a harder level, is giving up on the game*

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Aylen. You need to try."

*Felicia, reluctantly takes Aylen's remote control*

Felicia: "If I am going to have to play for you..."

*Felicia, accidentally kills of Aylen's sackgirl*

Fernando: "... you might as well kill your sackgirl yourself."

The Scientific Method

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Hey, Mom. Did you know that water makes plants grow?"

Giraffes

Location: Houston Zoo

Senia: "The giraffes do not smell delicious."

Rice Krispies

Location: At Home

*Felicia notices Aylen picking her nose*
Felicia [to Aylen]: "Are you picking your nose?"

Aylen: "Yeah. I am trying to get the Rice Krispies out."

Kicking And Screaming

Location: At Home

*Felicia is taking a shower*
*Senia, on the other side of the door is throwing a fit and want to get in the bathroom*
Aylen [to Senia, as overheard by Felicia]: "No, kick the door. Don't knock. Mommy comes out faster if you KICK the door."

Smelly Carrots

Location: At Home

*Felicia and the kids are eating lunch*
Felicia [thinking to herself]: "Why do these carrots taste and smell funny?"

*Felicia eats a few more carrots, then notices Aylen and Senia*
*Aylen and Senia seem to be sticking the carrots between their toes pretending they are extra toes, then putting them back on the plate*

The Box That Knocks

Location: At Home

*there is a knock on the front door*

*there is a noise of somebody leaving the foyer door*

*Felicia opens the front door, there is a box on the floor, a package*

Aylen: "WOW! I didn't know that boxes could knock!"

A Big Dolt

Location: Chick-Fil-A

Aylen [to Felicia]: "My Dad is a big dolt."
Felicia: "Do you mean a big 'adult'?"
Aylen: "No, I mean a big dolt."

Aylen Thinking

Location: Chick-Fil-A

Aylen [to Felicia]: "No, Mom. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to my brain."

Adults Get Light

Location: At Grandparents' House

Aylen [to Felicia]: "When you are little, you are dark. But then, when you are an adult, you get light."

Felicia: "No more Michael Jackson tributes for you."

A Quesadilla

Location: At Grandparents' House

Aylen [to Felicia]: "I want a quesadilla."

*Felicia proceeds to prepare a quesadilla*

*Felicia serves Aylen the quesadilla*

Felicia: "Here you are."

Aylen: "What's this?"

Felicia: "A quesadilla."

Aylen: "No, this is just cheese and tortilla."

Felicia: "What did you think a quesadilla was?"

Aylen: "NOT THIS!"

*Aylen pushes plate away*

Pulga Dust

Location: At Grandpa and Grandma's House

Felicia: "Aylen, come here so I can wash the Pulga dust off your feet and hands."
Aylen: "No, thanks.  I licked everything off already."

Playing With Orange Juice

Location: At Home

Felicia: "Aylen!  Next time you play with your orange juice, what are you getting?"

Aylen: "Umm, a pancake?"

The H-Word And The F-Word

Location: Dining Room

*Senia gets off her chair during dinner and just goes to the living room to play*

Fernando [to Senia]: "What in the hell! You are not done eating."

*Felicia glares at Fernando the same way Marge Simpson does to Homer Simpson*

Fernando [to Felicia]: "What?"

Felicia: "You know what."

Fernando: "Senia is done with dinner?"

Felicia: "That is not what I am talking about."

*Fernando turns to Aylen*

Fernando [to Aylen, shaking his head]: "You know you can't say the word "hell" at school."

*Aylen nods her head, implying that she can*

Fernando: "No, you can't. You may get in trouble for saying bad words."

*Aylen thinks about it for a second*

Aylen: "Oh. Fuck."

Try To Be Sneaky

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "I am sneaky. When you go away, I jump on the bed."

Gives Her Heart

Location: Girls' Bedroom

*Aylen and Senia were being put to sleep*

*Aylen gets out of bed*

Fernando [to Aylen]: "What are you doing? You need to get back in bed."

*Aylen walks towards Senia*

Aylen: "I want to give Senia my heart."

*Aylen leans over and kisses Senia*

*Aylen proceeds to kiss her hand and throws whatever it is on her hand, simulating a baseball pitch*

*Fernando is beyond confused*

Aylen: "I want to throw my heart to Mommy at yoga, so it can make a sparkle in her heart."

*Aylen returns to her bed*

Yummy Bugs

Location: Abuelita's House

Aylen [to Fernando]: "Here, Daddy. Get this [indisticnt] off."

*Fernando licks her finger*

*Aylen is confused*

Aylen: "Was the bug good?"

*Fernando realizes that what he just ate was not food*

Again

Location:  Living Room

*Felicia is tickling Senia*

Senia:  "Again!"

Cockroaches = Crickets

Location:  Girls' Bedroom

*Fernando, Aylen, and Senia are watching WALL-E"

Aylen:  "Look at the cricket waiting."

Me:  "That is a cockroach."

Aylen:  "Grandma calls them crickets."

I love my Mommy, I love my Daddy

Location: Home

Aylen [singing]: "I love my Mommy. I love my Daddy."
Felicia: "Awwww. Come here and give me a hug."
Aylen: "NO WAY!"

Mommy Has No Heart

Location: Kid's Bedroom

*Aylen and Senia are in bed, set to go to sleep*

Aylen: "Daddy?"

Fernando: "Go to sleep."

*Aylen gets up, kisses the top of Fernando's foot*

Aylen: "You have a heart."

*Aylen runs to Senia, kisses the top of her foot*

Aylen: "Senia has a heart."

Fernando: "What about Mommy?"

Aylen: "Mommy has no heart."

Distractions

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "What does 'distraction' mean?"

Aylen: "When you put a video for the baby."

Glitter Toilet

Location:  At Home

*Josh, our landlord, was fixing our toilet since it wasn't flushing*

Aylen:  "I would like a glitter one.  Not the water, just the potty."

I Love The TV

Location: Home

*Felicia notices Aylen hugging the television*

Felicia: "Why are you hugging the TV?"
Aylen: "Because I love it."
*Aylen then proceeds to give the television a big, wet kiss*

My Butt Is Wet

Location: Home

Aylen: "My butt is wet because I poot."

Father And Daughter Talk

Location: At Home

Aylen: "Why does mommy take a towel when she leaves [for yoga]?"
Fernando: "Funny, I remember asking my dad that same very question when I was 11 years old."
Aylen: "What?"
Fernando: "Nevermind."

Daddy Is A Superboy

Location: Home

Aylen: "Daddy is a superboy because he caught Senia from falling. He is also a superboy because he has a penis."

Butt Penis

Location: At Home

*Aylen walks out of her room with a toy plate between her butt cheeks*

Aylen: "Look, Mom! A butt penis."

The Reason Why Daddy Goes To Work

Location: Home

*Felicia explains to Aylen about money and about the reason why Daddy goes to work*
Aylen: "Daddy goes to work for you to spend cash. That is really nice of him."

Grumpy Grandma

Location: Home

Ofelia: "Aylen esta bien chiflada."
Aylen: "And you are grumpy, grandma."

Pretty Eyelashes

Location: Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Awwww, Mom. Why don't you have pretty eyelashes? Is it because you are old?"

Felicia: "HA HA, Aylen! You are grounded."

Yellow Is Not Red

Location: Home

Senia: "It can't be yellow if it is red."

Old McDonald

Location: At Home

Aylen: "Old McDonald had a chicken. E-I-E-I-Yo-Yo! B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! And Bingo was his name-o!"

A Big Baby

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Senia has a big belly. She must have a big baby in there."

Stick In School

Location: Outside of Poe Elementary

*Aylen throws a stick over the fence covering PoeCo*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Look, mom! My stick is in school!"

Inside The Song, Part 1

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Can I get inside the song?"

Felicia: "What? What do you mean?"

Aylen: "Inside the song... in there."

*Aylen points to the stereo*

Aylen: "I want to go in there.... I guess you can't."

Inside The Song, Part 2

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Tomorrow we will be going to the doctor."

Aylen: "Oh, can the doctor put me inside the song?"

A Favor

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Aylen, I need a favor."

Aylen: "I don't have any money."

King Crab

Location: Whole Foods

*Felicia ordered king crab from the guy behind the counter*

*The seafood guy even winked at her during the order, and priced the king crab as regular crab*

*This episode makes Felicia feel good and not so much like a mom*

Location: At Home

*Felicia tells the story to Fernando*

*Felicia cooks king crab.*

Felicia [to Fernando]: "I think the king crab tastes a little old.."

Fernando [to Felicia]: "Ahh, perhaps the reason you got them cheaper is because they are old.."

*Felicia gives Fernando the evil eye after bursting her bubble.*

Story-Time!

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "It is story-time."

Aylen: "I don't want it to be story-time."

Felicia: "Okay, it is nap-time."

*Aylen throws arms in the air*

Aylen: "Yeah! Story-time!"

Irregular Spanish

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Don't talk in Spanish. Just talk regular."

Lower Case Building

Location: At Home

*Felicia, Aylen, and Senia are watching the CNN*

Felicia [to Aylen]: "That is the Capitol Building."

Aylen: "Ahh, where is the Lover Case Building?"

Spicy Pineapples

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Pineapples make me nervous. They are a little spicy."

Nervous Aylen

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Could you close this flap (on her tent)? It is making me nervous."

The Old Crappy President

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Why are we getting a new President? Was the old one crappy?"

I Love You With All My Rectangle

Location: In The Car

Aylen [to Felicia]: "I don't want to love you with all my heart anymore. How about with my square? No. How about my rectangle? I like rectangles. I love you with all my rectangle."

Mismatched Shoes

Location: Fiesta Mart

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Aylen, your shoes don't match."

Aylen: "Yes, they do. They are both brown."

Felicia [to Aylen]: "They are also two left shoes."

Aylen: "Yes, Daddy said things don't always have to match exactly."

Goo Gai Gai Gaih

Location: At Home

*Aylen turns around and faces Senia*

Aylen [to Senia]: "Goo gai gai gaih."

*Senia looks at Aylen*

Senia [to Aylen]: "Goo gai gai gaih."

*Both Aylen and Senia laugh really hard*

*Felicia, looking at the girls, feels left out*

Piggy

Location: At Home

Darren: "I love the message: 'Fretting over the money we give to the government has blinded us to the fact that the great abacus of capitalism is looming just over our shoulder, ready to pounce on our life savings at any moment.'"