First-Class Stickers

Location: At Home

*Aylen is playing with postage stamps*

Felicia [to Aylen]: "AYLEN! Did you just get into the stamps? You can't use those! Stamps are like money."

Aylen: "No. Stamps are like stickers."

Aylen Is Two Years Old

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Aylen, they will not let you go to school if you don't walk to the bathroom on your own!"
Aylen: "They won't let me go to school anyways becuase I am not three."

Bath Water

Location: In The Bathroom

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Are you drinking the bath water?"
Aylen: "Well, not any more."

Felicia Dances Like Elaine Benes

Location: At Home

*Felicia, Aylen, and Senia are playing around; Felicia is dancing to a song from the television show "Imagination Movers"*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "I don't really like it when you do that."

Felicia: "What?"

Aylen: "THAT!"

Detachable Penis

Location:  World Market

Aylen [to Fernando]:  "Did you take your penis with you to work or to school today?"

Fernando:  "Well, seeing that it is kind of attached to me and that I was at work, you can say that I took it to work with me."

Portrait With Santa Claus

Location: The Galleria

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Are you going to sit in Santa's lap and ask him for a kitchen set tomorrow?"

*Aylen slits eyes and pauses*

Aylen: "No, thank you. I'll just stand."

Rocket's Firebird Rescue

Location: The Galleria

*Aylen grabs a feather and shakes it, then dissapointedly drops it*
Aylen [to Felicia]: "That is not a magical feather."

Poor Santa Claus

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Are you going to cry when we visit Santa Claus?"
Aylen: "No. And I won't kick him neither."

Ariel, The Little Mermaid / Singer

Location: At Home

*Aylen is listening to "Ave Maria" (Schubert's "Ellen dritter Gesang")*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "That sounds like Ariel."

Eating Trash

Location: At Home

*Felicia is on the phone and hangs up, sees Aylen doing something funny*

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Are you putting trash in your mouth?"

*Aylen spits out pieces of cardboard*

Aylen: "Well, not any more."

Radio, That Antiquated Technology

Location: At Home

*Felicia is listening to NPR on the radio*
Aylen [to Felicia]: "What is this?"
Felicia: "The radio."
Aylen: "There is no picture."

A Compliment

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Mom, you are so cute and funny. Can I have another cookie?"

Aylen Is Frida Khalo

Location: At Home

*Aylen notices a painting which pictures Frida Kahlo, and studies the eyebrows*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "That was me when I was big."

"Sueno de una tarde Dominical en la Alameda Central", by Diego Rivera, 1947-8.

It's A Camera

Location: At Home

*Felix, Felicia's father is given his wrapped birthday gift*

*Felix starts opening his gift*

Felix: "Hmm, I wonder what it is."

Aylen: "Ahh, it is a camera."

*Felix finishes unwrapping the camera and notices that it is indeed a digital camera*

The Other Senia

Location: The Galleria

Felicia: "Senia!"

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Who? Me?"

Felicia: "No, Senia."

Aylen [pointing to Senia]: "Who? The other one?"

I Love You

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "I love you."

Aylen: "What do you want?"

Turkey: Also A Paper Towel

Location: At Home

*Aylen has a slice of turkey on her hand*

*Aylen proceeds to wipe the dinning room table with it, and then, with the same slice of turkey, wipes her face*

Fernando [to Aylen]: "Hmm, what are you doing?"

Aylen: "I am cleaning."

*Aylen puts the slice of turkey in her mouth and eats it*

Smells Like Watermelon

Location: Houston Zoo

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Your sister smells like a watermelon."
*Aylen licks Senia's face*
*Aylen makes a face, disgusted*
Aylen: "No, she does not!"

Darren and Jeff

Location: At Home

From Drawings

Editor's Note: Darren was drawn from memory. Jeff is patting Darren on the head while Darren is talking on the phone. The two bosomy circles under the neck are shoulders. Aylen was pretty proud to draw this for Darren.

Reverse Psychology

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "MOMMY. COME HERE NOW AND FIX THIS!"

Felicia: "I am not going to fix anything when you talk to me like that."

Aylen: "Oh, I guess Mommy doesn't know how to fix this."

Uncle Gee And Colors

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "Hey, Aylen. Uncle Gee is coming over."

*Aylen runs to her room, grabs her crayons, and puts them on the table*

Felicia: "What are you doing?"

Aylen: "Uncle Gee likes to color!"

Mommy, The Maid

Location: In the Bathroom

*Fernando is giving Aylen and Senia a bath*

*out of the blue, Senia deficates all over the bathtub*

*in an effort to not have the girls smeared with feces, Fernando picks up the girls one by one, rinses them off with the shower, and transfers them to the other bathroom so he could once again start the process of getting them clean*

*Fernando looks at the tub*

Fernando [to Aylen]: "Ewww. That is going to be disgusting to clean."

*Fernando makes a face of disgust*

Aylen: "It is okay, Mommy will clean it."

*Fernando cleans the girls and then begins playing with the girls, forgetting about the tub, leaving it for Felicia who will be coming home from yoga in need of a shower*

Birds

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Birds do not have noses, only faces!"

The Weight Scale

Location: Grandpa and Grandma's House

*Felicia puts Aylen and Senia on the scale and weights them*

*Felicia then weights herself*

*Felicia is proud because the yoga is getting her back in shape*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Whoa, Mommy! The numbers went REALLY high!"

Halloween Candy

Location: Front Door / Hallway

*Felicia, upon hearing a neighbor right outside the apartment, opens the door*

Felicia [to neighbor]: "Hey, do you want some Halloween candy? I am afraid I will eat it all."

Student: "No, thanks."

*Aylen, standing by the door, listens to the conversation*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "HHHHEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY. I will eat it all. Don't give it away!"

Charlie And Lola Have No Mother

Location: At Home

*Felicia, Aylen and Senia are watching "Charlie and Lola"*

Felicia [to Aylen]: "See, Aylen! Lola goes to sleep all by herself, without her mommy."

Aylen: "Well, that is because Lola doens't have a mommy. She only has Charlie and Charlie sleeps with her."

Avocado Flavored M&Ms

Location: At Home

Fernando [jokingly, to Aylen]: "Do you see these green M&Ms? Those are avocado flavored M&Ms."

*a few minutes later, Fernando and Felicia notice that Aylen is eating all the M&Ms except the green ones*

Felicia's Nipples

Location: Mai's Restaurant

*during dinner*
Courtney [to Felicia]: "How many teeth does Senia have?"
Felicia: "Six. And I am still nursing too. I am worried that my nipples are going to start looking like chewed-up gum."
Fernando [to Courtney]: "Yeah. Usually, when I am done with Felicia's nipples, I stick them under the table."

Mommy's Hairy Legs

Location:  At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "Mom, you need to cut the little hairs on your legs. They are scratchy."

Felicia:  "What? No, they are not!"

Aylen:  "They hurt me! They are scratchy like Daddy's face!"

Riding The Elevator With Aylen

Location: The Galleria

*Felicia, Aylen, and Senia are inside the elevator*

*doors open, three men are outside waiting to step in*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Did you poot?"

*the three men smirk*

Felicia: "I did not."

*Felicia, Aylen, and Senia step out of the elevator*

Aylen: "Yeeeeeesssss yoooooooouuuuuuuuu diiiiiiiiiiiddd."

*the three men step into the elevator, they bust out laughing*

Salads

Location: At Home

*Aylen, looking at the salad on her plate*

Aylen: "Mom, I can't eat leaves."

Poop In The Floor

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "There is a tiny piece of poop on the floor."

Felicia: "Okay... Thank you for telling me."

Aylen [in a quiet voice]: "I think it was me."

The Boring Car

Location: Art Car Museum

*leaving the museum, Aylen hops into the car and looks at it disdainfully*

Aylen: "Mommy's car is boring."

Cock-A-Doodle Song

Location: At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]: "I'm not happy with you."

Aylen: "Go listen to your cock-a-doodle song. You'll feel better."

Buttons

Location: At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Daddy did not button all of my buttons. He is really not my friend."

Apple Sauce

Location: In The Bathroom

*Senia is sleeping*

*Felicia, after waiting for the dye in her hair to set, takes a shower to get the dye off*

*Aylen comes into the bathroom*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Why do you have apple sauce in your hair?"

Felicia: "No, I am dying my hair."

Aylen: "With apple sauce?"

Felicia: "No, with dye."

Aylen: "Oh, I want to dye my hair too!"

*after a few seconds, Aylen leaves the bathroom*

*a minute passes*

*Aylen comes back to the bathroom, her hair is saturated with apple sauce*

Felicia: "What? What did you do? What do you have on your head?"

Aylen: "Apple sauce. I am dying my hair too!"

The First Fight

Location:  The Car

*Aylen has both Peep pillows we have in the car*

*Senia grabs a Peep from Aylen and begins to suck on it*

*Aylen grabs the Peep back from Senia*

*Senia grabs the Peep back from Aylen and begins to suck on it*

*Aylen grabs the Peep back from Senia*

*Senia grabs the Peep back from Aylen and begins to suck on it*

*Aylen grabs the Peep back from Senia, puts her head down, and lays on them*

*Senia pulls a chunk of Aylen's hair and waves it around like a little flag*

*Aylen gives up on the Peep and starts crying*

*Senia takes the Peep*

The Dark

Location:  At Home

*Aylen, and Senia are being put to sleep*

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "I can't find the dark!"

Kidding With You

Location:  Borders Bookstore

Felicia [to Aylen]:  "AYLEN! Is that your milk over there?"

Aylen:  "It is not."

Felicia:  "Aylen, is that your milk on the bookshelf?"

Aylen:  "Okay. Okay. It is! I am keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedding with you."

Smaller Pieces Of Chicken

Location:  Khyber Restaurant

Felicia [to Aylen]:  "You have to eat four pieces of chicken."

Aylen:  "Okay."

*Aylen proceeds to tear two pieces of chicken into smaller pieces*

Senia The Pony

Location:  Living Room

*Aylen tries to mount Senia as she is crawling*

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "Senia is like a pony!"

Cutie Patootie

Location:  At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "Are you happy with me?"

Felicia:  "No, I am not."

Aylen:  "Yes, you are."

Felicia:  "No, I am not happy with you."

Aylen:  "Oh, you are such a cutie patootie when you are mad."

Santa Claus, Electrician

Location:  In The Bathroom

*after Hurricane Ike, where we spent a week without electricity*

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "Calm down! Santa Claus is bringing the power."

Mama

Location:  At Home

Senia [to Felicia]:  "MAMA."

Aylen and Coffee

Location:  At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "Oooooh! Your coffee was good! I finished it."

Centro Stylus

Location:  At Home

Felicia [to Aylen]:  "Where is my stylus?"

Aylen:  "Oh, I left it at Whole Foods.  By the bread."

Dada

Location:  At Home

Senia:  "DADADADADADADA."

Air Fresheners

Location:  In The Bedroom Home

*Aylen puts a coconut scented car air freshener in her mouth*

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "They taste like candy."

Yellow, The New Orange

Location:  At Home

*Aylen is trying to describe the color yellow*

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "It's kinda like orange."

Diarrhea

Location:  In The Bathroom

Aylen:  "Look Mom. I made pee poop."

Ear Boogies

Location:  In the Bathroom

*Felicia cleans Aylen's ears with a Q-Tip*

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "Look, an ear boogie?"

Come Here

Location: Border's Books

*Aylen runs off*

Fernando [to Aylen]: "AYLEN! Come here!"

Aylen [loudly, imitating what Fernando does to Felicia]: "DON'T HIT ME!"

*everybody around looks at Aylen and Fernando*

Lost Puppy

Location:  The Galleria

*Aylen, out of the blue, after going to Keri's house, where Kailyn (her daughter) happens to own a puppy*

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "Where is my puppy? I guess I lost it."

A Bunch Of Little Poo Poos

Location: At Home

Aylen: "I made a bunch of little poo poos like Daddy!"

Talking Bike

Location: At Home

*after watching Sesame Street*
Aylen [to Felicia]: "I don't like my bike."
Felicia: "Why not?"
Aylen: "Because it doesn't have a happy face and it doesn't talk."

Lion In The Radio

Location:  At Home

*while listening to classical music*
Aylen [to Felicia]:  "I am scared of the lion in the radio."

Aylen's Car, Part 2

Location:  At Home

Aylen [to Felicia]:  "I want to go to school."
Felicia:  "I can't go with you."
Aylen:  "Take the black car."
Felicia:  "YOU want the black car?"
Aylen:  "No, you take the black car. I want a red one."

Aylen's Car, Part 1

Location: The Garage

*Felicia mentions to Aylen that when she is older, she is going to have to go to school*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "I take the black car."

Too Many Photographs

Location: At Home

*Felicia is scrambling to find the digital camera*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "Mom, it is okay. You take too many pictures."

Who Pooted?

Location: At The Zoo

*Felicia, Aylen, and Senia are walking by the elephant exhibit*

Aylen: "WHO POOTED?"

*crowd around the exhibit laugh*

Broken Television

Location: In The Bedroom

*Aylen walks out of the bedroom*

Aylen [to Felicia]: "The TV is broken. Senia did it."

*television shows static on the screen*

*Senia, two months old at the time, is laying in bed quietly*